I wanted to forgive and reconcile just as you wrote. As the betrayer, he didn’t do any of the things you wrote of; instead, screamed at me and made me always feel like there was something wrong with me for reacting the way I did, and not “…moving forward” more quickly. His time frame for me to get over it was “a day or two.”
I expected him to be kind. I expected him to want to help my hurting heart. He added insult to injury, and then I wasn’t allowed to bring it up ever. He said I disgusted him and I am weak.
He made me out to be an enemy, as opposed to someone he cared enough for to love and support
I walked away. So confused. I didn’t want to “punish” him. I wanted to communicate and understand why. I wanted an apology that I didn’t have to coach. Not a screaming, resentful “I am sorry. ”
I took responsibility for my part, working a full time corporate job, splitting my time between two coasts for a year. It was unfair to him.
Pia, This is exactly what I went through after discovering my husbands affair with his boss. Everything I read told me that my reactions were in fact normal, but I felt judged and criticized for not handling his betrayal better. We went through 3 different therapists, and all of them seemed to be more focused on my anxieties over the triggers, and the fact that we needed to set up healthy boundaries because I wanted to check his where-abouts and text messages when he would travel (sometimes esposa Espanhol with his affair partner). Read more